Cool As Cucumber Soup

My domestic calling lead me astray in my pursuit for cold cucumber soup.  Typically, doing a google search for a recipe and adding the word, "easy" to the criteria ends in a fanfare of simple recipes that are a mouth watering good time. 

Such was not the case with the cucumber soup. 

In all fairness to the search engine gods, I choose the recipe that had a the fewest ingredients and the shortest cooking time.  Naturally by cooking, I mean, the recipe that did not call for actual cooking, but rather an increasing use of my older-than-dirt Osterizer Blender.  Which for the record, is the single best item I have purchased from an estate sale- my blender, my partner in hummus, my heavy-weight silver beast of a machine.  I occasionally fantasize about graduating to a food processor, but assure my blender that it will always be my favorite cohort. 

Bearing in mind my relationship with my blender, the attempt at cucumber soup was even more of a bastardizing experience.  I feel as if I not only destroyed the integrity of a few perfect good cucumbers, but coerced my blender into being a woeful accomplice.

Think I'm being overly dramatic about a cold cucumber soup?  I bet you do.  You're sitting there reading this thinking to yourself, "Suuuuure.  It's cucumber soup.  In a Blender.  How bad could it be?"    Admit it.  You think in sentence fragments.  That's what you were thinking.  I probably would be thinking the same thing, if I wasn't witness to the final product of my efforts.

I present evidence A.

Viewing the picture raises the hair on the back of my neck while simultaneously pulling at the corners of my mouth; I squint in disgust.  Sigh. 

As a photographer, the yellowish cast grates on my nerves.  As the producer of this bowl of overly-seasoned gyro topping, the yellowish cast seems even more appropriate. 

After all this ranting, the actual problem with the "soup" is just as I stated, it tasted more like gyro topping than anything.  The combination of Greek yogurt, mint, and parsley congealed together in such a way that I was instantly transported back to the Greek festivals of my childhood.

I was daydreaming of my grandmother's chilled cucumbery goodness and was slapped with a Greek festival in my mouth.  In no small way did I actually feel offended by what the recipe lured me into making.  A more experienced culinary ninja would have most likely read the recipe and instantly clicked on the the next link, however as I am still young in my kitchen ninja training, I foolishly took google's suggestion and ran with it!

In fact, here is the recipe:
(warning: I am not liable for the destruction of any cucumbers as a result of sharing this information)
 Crappy Cuke Soup

There it is.  Do not make this. 

I am in search of an improved recipe.  I may even be willing to turn on the stove to sautee the cucumber if it will produce something that is palatable.  If you or your grandmother know of a recipe that I won't feel like making Ramen noodles after completing, please feel free to e-mail it to me. 

This is not over.