My eulogy

Sounds macabre, doesn't it? It's not intended that way. A long, long time ago, when I wore business suits and drove a fancy car (shhhhhh.. its a secret- but it's true) I did some public speaking on "Beginning with the end in mind" (thank you Stephen Covey). The basic idea was to write your eulogy; what you would want others to say about you if you died. It was really interesting, because it forces you to realize what is important to you in your life. Even more interesting for me was that nothing that I was doing at that point in my life was on the list. Hence why I don't wear business suits anymore (though I still have a car fettish).

Anyway, I was flipping through my journal and found the entry. It is dated 10/30/02. Think about that for a moment. How much has your life changed in the past 6 years?? Back to the point, I decided I would share my eulogy. It's fairly personal, so no harse judgements on the one. But, you know, I figured I might as well send this one out to the universe. So here it is:

______________

10/30/02

Beginning with the end in mind:

At the end of my life I would want to be remembered by a memorial service and cremation- not a funeral with a casket. Here's a list of what I want said:

genuine care/concern for others

selfless

goes out of her way to help others

sacrificed

fun loving

smiled all the time

saw people for the good in them

raised other people to see their potential

donated to charities

ready to road trip anytime, anywhere

non-materialistic

talented artist

enchanting guiter player

cello and piano compositions

played for groups

publshed poetry books

respected and influencial

wordly traveler

multi-lingual

experienced outdoorswoman

successful rider/trainer

never backed down froma challenge

mountain/rock climber

WFR certified

non-smoker

health addict

athletic build

ran every monring along the wooded trails

in shape

shed possessions to maintain being down to earth

confident but not cocky

remembered the little things

never passed an opportunity to see the world

traveled every continent

exhibited photographer

intuitive and skilled oratoe and motivational speaker

spiritual and rooted in nature

extremely self-aware

went through jungles/safari in africa

meditative

took time to get to know poeple around her

natural/rustic

carpe diem

known for her faded leather cowboy hat

loved by many, hated by none, respected/appreciated by all

used her time as if each day were her last

relaxed and controled

so oopen to new thoughts and ideas

loving husband- true soulmate

always sent b-day cards/ thank you cards

artist

lit up the room when entered

designed her own house/stable

always offered a shoulder to lean on

continuously learned/grew as a person

maintained relationships and pulled people together

could be seen playing guitar while sitting on the beach

changed people's lives for the better

quoted and live by, "no worries"

managed her time to devote to family and friends

painted sunsets and inspired by clouds

stared at trees while lying on the grass

proud and strong

backpacked/camped/white water rafted

experienced life for all it's flavors

I picture myself driving into town in my Jeep wrangler or truck (or riding my horse). Smiling to everyone, getting reeted warmly by everyone- dog by my side, warm from weather, happy, free, relaxed, enjoying the sun, surrounded by mountains and trees but near water. People saying, "She went through hell but would do anything for anyone with out ever expecting something in return".

I want to be the willow tree withstanding the hurricane.

Self-sufficient

reflected true beauty with no make-up but shined because of teh love oterhs had for her and she had for them

had inner-peace

never forgot htose who helped her along the way

ageless

free-spirit

Danced like nobody's watching, sang like no one was listening, loved like she had never been hurt, and traveled like she had no destination.

Lived by the heart of a tiger with the wisdom if a dragon.

Fought tooth and nail for those she loved

______________

So yea, I dodn't say it was a short eulogy. I remember writing it and jsut kinda getting caught up in the entry. So there it is.

Horse Therapy

Yet again the temperatures at the barn have reached near frigid lows. Yes, we passed below freezing (quite literally) and have maintained a sub-human temperature for more than a few days already with no break in the near future. By the way, have you heard that Salt Lake City is actually a desert? Amidst the bone chilling, tooth aching cold our equine friends have taken it upon themselves to fully embrace this temperature disaster as a meaningful lesson on what happens to ponies brains when it is this cold. For you non-horse people, it is similar to taking a small hyper-active child, feeding him/her 18 gigantor pixie sticks, washing it down with a liter of cola then giving them sparklers (and matches). Do you have the disastrous mental picture yet? If so, let's just say that small child weighs, I don't know, 1,500 pounds. If you don't get the idea yet, sorry.

The funny thing is, to those of us that dedicate more time to our horses than our loved ones, this is a mentally torturing time spent debating, "should I ride and risk a near-death experience on a horse higher than Whitney Houston or should I not ride and feel incredibly guilty for not 'working' said horse (the entire time thinking about all the recent progress made flushed down the toilette)" And yes, we really do think that way.

As sick as it is, most of us can only rationalize not riding for two days at the maximum- then the guilt and withdraw kick in- much like in Trainspotting. So today would have been day three of being clean (from riding that is). I headed to the barn, fully expecting the frostbite to reinforce my decision to turn-out my horses and not ride (again). Then the twitch started, followed by the minor shakes. No sooner had my eyes begun to shift into a wild eyed must-have-crack look, was on sitting on my horse bareback riding around the arena. And yes, when we go off the deep end, we often chuck all safety equipment designed to keep us on the horse such as: saddles (to sit on) and bridles (to steer said beast with).

Wouldn't you know, my higher than Whitney horse was near-perfect today. Don't get me wrong, I have learned to stay on bareback during bucking, but honestly, it was one of the best rides I've ever had on Malachi. The connection, fluidity, and impulsion we had today was incredible. We successfully stayed on the bit (in a halter), had great bend in our circles, did shoulder-in, and a crap load of leg yields.... yea, I know, damn near amazing. Horse therapy. Somehow, one great ride and all the other crap fades away with into the dusk; you leave the stable thinking, "It's cold, but hell it was worth it".