Wahoo!! I saw the doc on Monday and my xrays showed that the bones in my foot have stayed stable. So far so good. As of right now, he said he is glad that we decided to try it without surgery :) I am allowed to start putting a little weight on my foot and start to slowly progress into walking with the boot for the next month. I can try to go from walking in the boot with both crutches then one crutch and so on. He said to let pain be my judge on how much to do.
It's crazy trying to put ever so little weight on my foot. Kinda feels like my foot isn't really my foot- that numb, less than reactive extension that is somewhere by my ankle. Even better, I'm allowed to take this not-so-well-ventilated boot off when I am just hanging out and to sleep. YAY! I have to keep it on while trying to put any weight- which is fine, because I'm pretty sure my whole leg would collapse if I tried to walk without it right now (I think I remember what my calf USED to look like before it all ran away).
Seriously, it's just so reassuring that at this point, it looks like I am actually healing. A hell of a lot better diagnosis than, "if you don't have surgery you will be a crippled arthritic". Yup, I'm happy. I'm plotting my return to the saddle and actually believe it will happen in the near future. Now I just need to take it slow and relax.. because I will be able to drive again :) Only one more month of this boot!! Which means I can go on a road trip. Enough said :)
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Road Trip Frenzy
The open road is calling!!! Oh it is time for a road trip! Loud music, windows down, overly caffeinated driving, with random maps thrown on the floor that is littered with camping accessories and dog hair (let's face it.. I have a collie-cross)... sigh. It's been a while since I have been able to explore new territory! It's one thign to be financially restricted from road tripping, but i'm kinda a little physically restricted too.. so both kinda suck.
You know, even just dong an over night is some national forrest would probably make me feel better too, but I actualyl think I am going to have to book it to the water sometime soon.
My doc appointment for my foot is coming up and I am really hoping that I can start weight bearing. I would looooove to be able to drive again. I'm thinking a coastal tour of Cali would be great. I just kinda want to go somewhere I haven't been yet and just chill. Course, the other thing is, I'm kinda feeling like an old school raod trip. You know, like a few years ago, when 4 people would pile into a car and get outta dodge. I've been doing more solo trips the last ocuple of years and I'm thinking some rowdiness is in order. You know the kinda that result in borderline blackmail pictures?? So.. anyone out there that is up for some old school driving til the sun comes up.. give me a holler.
You know, even just dong an over night is some national forrest would probably make me feel better too, but I actualyl think I am going to have to book it to the water sometime soon.
My doc appointment for my foot is coming up and I am really hoping that I can start weight bearing. I would looooove to be able to drive again. I'm thinking a coastal tour of Cali would be great. I just kinda want to go somewhere I haven't been yet and just chill. Course, the other thing is, I'm kinda feeling like an old school raod trip. You know, like a few years ago, when 4 people would pile into a car and get outta dodge. I've been doing more solo trips the last ocuple of years and I'm thinking some rowdiness is in order. You know the kinda that result in borderline blackmail pictures?? So.. anyone out there that is up for some old school driving til the sun comes up.. give me a holler.
Claiming the Dark
An excerpt from, The Light Inside the Dark :
To learn how to live means claiming more of the territory of life, even, or especially, the darkness. When we begin our inward journey, we think it will be a continuous ascent. But we find that however well we try, we fall into pain, into the excruciating awareness that if we are human we love, and if we love we are vulnerable. The darkness presses hard on us- turbulent, autonomous, full of obsession and loss. It seems greater than we are and has a mule-like resistance to common sense. As Jung remarked, everything unconscious remains fate.
If at this time we cling to the spirit, we will think that the fall itself is the problem. Spiritual traditions have a strong tendency to see things this way. The classical solution, then, known in monasteries around the world, is to detach and so cease to suffer. But it is more likely that we pay too little attention to our pain, that we are too eager to clamber back to the cool, pure heights and their certainties. Here, in this human life we share, another kind of spirituality might serve us better: one that sees it is our very losses that save us, by bringing the aspiring spirit downwards and initiating us into soul. This is why the way up- into the true life- begins with the way down.
This revelation of the intimate closeness of beauty and suffering may unbalance our previous idea of order. It tells us that, like Rilke in front of the archaic torso of Apollo, we must change our lives. We must learn to attend more acutely, to grope through the labyrinth, holding the twine of spiritual practice as we head into the dark. Through patient observation, then, we find that it is our thoughts and feelings that make us happy or sad, that the quality of our attention changes the colors of the day. This discovery of the reality and then the consolation of the inner life is our one solution to the problem of suffering, which is also the problem of living up to the underlying, and equally pervading, happiness of life.
Something to ponder, yes?
To learn how to live means claiming more of the territory of life, even, or especially, the darkness. When we begin our inward journey, we think it will be a continuous ascent. But we find that however well we try, we fall into pain, into the excruciating awareness that if we are human we love, and if we love we are vulnerable. The darkness presses hard on us- turbulent, autonomous, full of obsession and loss. It seems greater than we are and has a mule-like resistance to common sense. As Jung remarked, everything unconscious remains fate.
If at this time we cling to the spirit, we will think that the fall itself is the problem. Spiritual traditions have a strong tendency to see things this way. The classical solution, then, known in monasteries around the world, is to detach and so cease to suffer. But it is more likely that we pay too little attention to our pain, that we are too eager to clamber back to the cool, pure heights and their certainties. Here, in this human life we share, another kind of spirituality might serve us better: one that sees it is our very losses that save us, by bringing the aspiring spirit downwards and initiating us into soul. This is why the way up- into the true life- begins with the way down.
This revelation of the intimate closeness of beauty and suffering may unbalance our previous idea of order. It tells us that, like Rilke in front of the archaic torso of Apollo, we must change our lives. We must learn to attend more acutely, to grope through the labyrinth, holding the twine of spiritual practice as we head into the dark. Through patient observation, then, we find that it is our thoughts and feelings that make us happy or sad, that the quality of our attention changes the colors of the day. This discovery of the reality and then the consolation of the inner life is our one solution to the problem of suffering, which is also the problem of living up to the underlying, and equally pervading, happiness of life.
Something to ponder, yes?
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Week 5 of crutches
It's officially been 5 weeks since I broke my foot. In some ways it seems like it's been a lot longer, in some ways, shorter. Someone was saying how they were prepping for their kids to go back to school.. that hit home! Man it feels like my summer hasn't even started and yet it's swiftly moving on past. The idea of it getting cold again anytime in the near future is not exactly welcoming. Something tells me it doesn't matter that much though... like maybe I won't be here for another winter. Who knows?
A lot of time for reflection. A lot of movies and with poignant lines about life in general lately. We, as a society, take life too seriously. Does it really matter if we work 40 hours a week or 80? We are the only ones looking in the mirror. The rest of the world just goes on spinning around, with or without your presence. I don't mean that in a sad, lonely way- but in an observing relatively detached sort of way. In a self-realizing way. How do you define yourself? Is it by what you do 90% of the time, or maybe, just maybe, that 10% that you discount as downtime is in actuality closer to who you really are. Maybe it's because that 10% is so important and vulnerable, that you (we) throw ourselves into the 90%. Because it's safer, it's easier to explain, it's more predictable, more tangible. What would happen if we released the "importance" of the 90%, if we instead, openly admitted the 10%? Without self-importance, without judgement, without expectation... do you dare imagine what it (we) would be like?
Who are you?
A lot of time for reflection. A lot of movies and with poignant lines about life in general lately. We, as a society, take life too seriously. Does it really matter if we work 40 hours a week or 80? We are the only ones looking in the mirror. The rest of the world just goes on spinning around, with or without your presence. I don't mean that in a sad, lonely way- but in an observing relatively detached sort of way. In a self-realizing way. How do you define yourself? Is it by what you do 90% of the time, or maybe, just maybe, that 10% that you discount as downtime is in actuality closer to who you really are. Maybe it's because that 10% is so important and vulnerable, that you (we) throw ourselves into the 90%. Because it's safer, it's easier to explain, it's more predictable, more tangible. What would happen if we released the "importance" of the 90%, if we instead, openly admitted the 10%? Without self-importance, without judgement, without expectation... do you dare imagine what it (we) would be like?
Who are you?
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